Thomas Shreve is a Northwest Pennsylvanian rubber chicken farmer born and raised by wolves in Oil City. During high school he also studied marshmallow roasting and later taught it at a local gym and YMCA.
His life long passion for spaghetti led to his decision to pursue it as a career. Attending college at Clarion University, Tom earned a Bachelor of Fine Pasta Degree focusing on courses that increased his knowledge of Eye-Talian foods. After graduating from Clarion he has worked on his personal hygiene; and in the fall of 2004 he was awarded a "Soap on a Rope" from friends. Way to go Tom Boy!
In 2005 he went to Mongo's house and learned how to Shreve shift. Tom went on the road after that. He moved to San Francisco where he sold his signature series trucker hats. He made enough money for a cup of coffee. Tom got so buzzed up on this coffee that he had another good idea. Go home to Pennsylvania. He started singing "Sweet Home Pennsylvania," as he rode a little tricycle he stole off a four year old. He lost his breaks coming down the rockies. Had to use his shoes. He wore the treads of his shoes till they where beat down to a nub. His feet smelled like dead road kill. He finally made it into a small town in PEnnsylvania. Sleep and coffee deprived he came up with the City and Abstraction series .... (PART II) tomorrow.. TO BE CONTINUED
Actually, here's the real story....Thomas Shreve is a clone of Albert Einstein that went bad. During high school he also studied nuclear science and later went to work in Clarion.
After the City in Abstractions series. Tom again ran out of ideas. So he just kept making abstractions of abstractions. Soon there became the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction of the abstraction. Tom was becoming mad. crazy almost running out of ideas. So he went to his brother Mongo. "Hey Mongo I am out of ideas for art pieces what can I do?" Mongo replied, "Paint Bigfoot, Ughhh!." Tom took this idea to heart. He decided to chase after the illusive bigfoot to see if he would let Tom paint him. All hopped up on Coffee and Cigarettes Tom set out on his journey. (Part 3 tomorrow) To be continued.....
Tom started his search by watching the x-files and documentarys on big foot. While watching a cheasy 60’s bigfoot documentary Tom picked up some very important information. He learned about how to tell the difference between big foot poop and normal bear poop. In the documentary it showed a guy tasting different poop samples. The bigfoot poop tasted more bitter then the bear. With this new found knowledge Tom went to the backwoods of Pennsylvania. Otherwise called Pennsyltucky. Tom didnt realize all the rednecks that lived in Pennsyltucky. He went into the heart of redneck country which was a small town filled with rednecks. Tom thought that if rednecks where good hunters that they would know where bigfoot was. “Mmmm I reckon I’ll have the french fried taters.” A redneck in a flannel said as Tom passed him going into the resteraunt. “I’ll take a ten cups of coffee and some radishes” Tom said. “Anyone know where bigfoot is?” Tom blurted at as the room went quiet. Everyone stood there staring at Tom with their jaws dropped as he was dunking a radish into a cup of coffee. Tom thought that their jaws where dropped because he was talking about bigfoot. (to be continued.)
The rednecks feared Tom because of this radish dip. The would do whatever he said. So they took him into the deepest recesses of Bigfoot country... The rednecks let Tom finish off the hunt for himself because they all feared the Big Foot. "That son-o-bitch stole my chickens." One rednecks said. "That son-o-bitch stole my cows" Said another redneck. "That son-o-bitch stole my grandma." One redneck stated in the back but he wasnt talking about bigfoot.
So Tom began to travel alone into the deep woods. He began following these large bigfoot tracks. They looked four times the size of his shoes. Tom heard a rumbling off in the distance as it just began to start pouring down rain. It wasnt Tom stumping rumbling either from the need of coffee. He already had ten glasses today so it was satisfied. This thought scared tom. That a big foot could make such a rumbling noise. (TO BE CONTINUED)
Tom sneaks up on the gigantic big foot. He trys not to make a sound. But Tom's stomach started to growl from all the coffee he drank. Just as he began army crawling down over the hill the Big Foot heard the stomach rumble. Big Foot started running at Tom. Tom was scared he began curling up into the fital position. "He Tom". Big Foot said with a low growl. "How do you know my name?" Tom said as he looked up not so scared anymore.
Just lilke something off of Star Wars the Big Foot said, "Tom I am your father." Then Tom remebered that one day as a child.... (To be Continued.)
...he was gathering nuts, berries and slugs with his Bigfoot mom when out of nowhere hunters shot her dead as the proverbial doornail. (Kind of like in the movie "Bambi") Now Tom knew why he could never watch that movie without crying. Anyways, the hunters took Tom away and sold him to the local carnival. Tom was billed as "The Ape Boy from African Congo-Bongo". Tom was fed only coffee and radishes and kept in a small cage with Emporer Penguins.
One day someone left the cage unlocked and Tom saw his chance. Moving swiftly(?) he bolted from the sideshow and didn't stop running until he ended up in Oil City, Pennsylvania. He had never seen his father since that crucial day....
He remembered as a child his mother (before she got shot by hunters) never told him who his father was. Considering that Tom&'s mom was a crackhead and slept with every man on the block Tom didnt want to know. Tom also remembered the time when he first started painting. It was back in 1987. It was a dark and cloudy day. Tom started off his day at 4pm (the time Tom normally wakes up) with a large fart. After he cleared his colon then refilled it with coffee. In those days tom played with ninja turtles, he tore both heads off the ninja turtles. He rolled this heads off the wall like he was playing with a baseball and mit. Only Tom was poor all he had was his hands and ninja turtle heads. Tom did this for hours. Til he finally got bored. He remembered that his grandma Edith "Poopsy"; Shreve had got him some water paints for christmas. Tom had eaten all the colors accept for black and red. He went to get a cup of water to chase these last to wafers of paint down. (Tom didnt know that they where for painting). Tom came back and as he was coming in he spilled water on the. A funny pattern was made on the floor with this paints. He found an old piece of toilet paper and began painting on it. He dipped a ninja turtle head in and started to paint with it. This was Tom's first crude experience at painting. (To be continued)
The story of Tom and the Tree Apes. Yes Tree Apes. They are just big apes that swing from gigantic trees. Tom stumbled upon these shortly after his bigfoot/dad sighting. He was in West Virginia. Near a small city called Shreveport. He was trying to find out where his linage came from. He was in the deep outbacks in some woods that werent on his map. (A map of Disney World.) Tom was drinking his last cup of coffee out of a beer hat, (he had this modified to hold two cups of coffee with two straws.) Slurping on one of the straws Tom saw these giant tree apes. He rubbed his eyes to make sure what he was seeing was really apes and not just a hallucination from the mushrooms that he just ate. He took out his sketchpad and started writing notes and drawing sketches frantically. He tried to sneak out of the woods with all his new found information. He made it halfway out when a giant tree ape took his notebook and threw it in the dirt, took a big hot steamy dump on it. Alls I have to say about this matter is.... That ape must have been a damn good critic.
The founding of Shreveport Shreveport was founded by Tom Great Great Grandfather Stub Shreve. Stub got his name from an accident he had when he was working for a blacksmith. He was beating on hot metal sword when he mistakenly thought his hand was the sword. He smacked it a good one with the slege hammer. He lost most of his arm. After they everyone in town called him stubby, or stub for short. The town at this time was called Willisville. Stub had to end his career as a blacksmith. He began his look for a new job. He went to a goat farmer. Stub couldnt milk the goats cause of his hand. Stub went to several other jobs and the same thing happened. Stub went into depression. He just sat at the bar and drank. He began to grow a great stench. This smell filled the whole town. Everyone left. Stub Shreve was the only one left. He switched the name to Shreveport. The second greatest accident of Stubs life was the day an ape was walking through town. He again mistakened the ape for something else. He slept with it and had a baby. Tom’s Great Grandfather Ape Boy Shreve.
1. Tom at an early age was fed a bottle of coffee instead of milk. 2. Tom doesnt sleep at night cause he is part warewolf. 3. Tom's favorite cigarette is Marbolo, because he liked the way the old marbolo man looked like in his cowboy hat and boots. 4. Tom's secret is he like to Dance in the drank to Michael Jackson 5. Toms favorite color is Shit-Brindle-Brown. 6. Do not feed Tom after midnight (kinda like gremlins) 7. Tom once drank 8 cups of coffee in an hour 8. Tom is the grand radish winner in Shreveport Maine. 9. Tom likes high heels and wears them too.